Monday, April 13, 2009

Don't bad mouth the 'tame!

Today is a school holiday. My two youngest children are sick, so that means my oldest two are housebound until my husband comes home and takes over the babysitting duties. My daughter had 3 hours of dance this morning and son did an excellent job of entertaining himself at home. To make up for the lack of exciting field trip I decided to treat them to Happy Meals from McDonalds.

High fives all round. I am the greatest mom ever. Everyone loves me.

Hit the drive thru and place the order, 3 hamburger happy meals, 1 sprite, 1 diet coke 1 apple juice. And one # 6 .(Otherwise known as a McChicken Meal, sandwich ordered plain ( no lettuce or mayo)) also with a diet coke.

(The diet starts tomorrow, partly because I am frightened by my girth these days, partly because I just realized that I know the McChicken combo is the #6, which, I suppose brings us back to my frightening girth)

Pull through to window one to pay, no problems there. Pull up to window two to pick up my food. Little did I know when I decided to get the kids Happy Meals for lunch, that along with our Monsters vs. Aliens toys and treats of the week I was also going to get a little parenting advice from the sage and worldly 16 year old working the drive thru window.

God only knows what kind of ruin lay ahead for my children had Justin not been there to question my order of a child size diet coke. According to Justin I need to be careful with the diet coke as it "has aspartame and that's not good for the brain."

Really Justin. Thanks so much for that. Now, I know your busy Justin, but could you just take a look around and remind yourself who you work for. Granted, diet coke is not the healthiest thing I could be feeding my 7 year old, but considering that he will be using it to help wash down the all-fat-and-sodium-combo that we blindly refer to as a Happy Meal I think we can overlook my nutritional indiscretion here.

On top of that when I got home, instead of the plain McChicken I ordered I have a DOUBLE quarter pounder with cheese. I'm not good with math, but according to my calculations what I have here is one half pound of beef spackled together with 2 slices of process cheese.

Again, Justin, I don't like to beleaguer a point, but I firmly believe in life one has to pick their battles. I'm wondering if, given your current employment situation is the Aspartame battle is really your best choice. I am thinking the hole the aspartame is eating in my brain, is going to be greatly outpaced by the artery clogging effects of the half pound of fried beef and process cheese that has now become my lunch. Can you imagine what would have happened had I said " My God Justin, you're right! What am I doing feeding this to my children! Cancel my order! Get me a refund! We are off to the farmers marked for some organic fruits & veggies and a kefir chaser!"

Get a mental picture of Justin being toted off to the to basement for some Clockwork Orange style re-education. The lone 60 watt bulb, hanging bare from the ceiling. The one folding chair, the dank, the dark suited, fedora wearing man who represents the interests of the World Aspartame Consortium.

Aspartame Guy: "Now Justin. It is Justin isn't it? Yes, Justin, I hear you have been saying disparaging things about our product".

Justin: "Sir, I just.." (SLAP!) some whimpering in the shifting darkness as the lone bulb swings to a fro over head.

AG: "I have some friends who asked me to send you a message about how important it is for you to realize the benefit of our product. Do you understand Justin"

Justin: quiet sobs from the darkness, then " Y-hes S-sir"

AG: "Good Justin, I'm glad we have reached an understanding. I trust there will be no more of this crazy talk at the drive thru window."

Justin: "N-no S-sir"

AG: You are a quick learner Justin, we like that. But perhaps, just to make sure you remember this lesson I will give you a little preview of what our next discussion would be, should we have to meet under these circumstances again"

A roll of duct tape, several meters of medical tubing, and half a dozen containers of diet coke syrup are being wheeled into the room. The screams will stop shortly, but the silence is truly more frightening.


No comments: